GIVING UP VICTIM/POOR ME/COMPLAINING STORIES

STEP 4 of 12 STEPS TO LOVING THE SELF:
"We took a searching & courageous inventory of all the ways we judge ourselves or others or allowed ourselves to feel like a victim, while loving & accepting ourselves."
STEP 4 STORY:

GIVING UP VICTIM/POOR ME/COMPLAINING STORIES....
I have been looking at how awful I feel when I finish whining and complaining about some perceived problem in my life. I am OVER my own stories that interpret life from this perspective! I made a decision to STOP IT! Yes - simple - STOP IT! Now that is easier said than done! I watch how the ego mind comes up with all sorts of scenarios to pull me back into misery! Yesterday I received a message on my phone to contact the bank to make an appointment to sign a form. Something I thought would be simple! The staff member gave me a number to call and asked me to make an appointment to see a consultant. I phoned the number and YESSSS.... it was one of those choose five different options, none of which suited me. I listened to them all twice and then chose one that I thought might be suitable. Then I got another five different options and finally I hear a ring and then - yes you guessed it - the message: "All of our consultants are currently busy taking other calls and we will answer your call shortly." I was a on a short work break and after a few minutes had to hang up. I was annoyed! All I had to do was sign a form that had been forwarded from another branch. Or so I thought! My mind began running stories. I decided it was easier to just go to the bank and ask to sign the form. After work I tried phoning again - just to add more misery to the already existing misery ha ha! I headed to the bank and I watched my mind saying: "I will tell them how annoyed I was by their phone system - I just wanted to be put through to a branch!". Then I caught it: "Whiney, complainer, poor me mind". I let go of that story and decided to just walk into the bank and ask to sign the form. That is exactly what I did. The customer service officer went away, printed out a form and invited me into an office to fill out a form. Then up came annoyed, complaining, whining angry mind again. I heard my voice snapping as I said: "I can't even fill this form out because I don't have all the information". Then I caught those thoughts, calmed down and began filling out the form providing all the information I could. The customer service officer became really helpful and together we filled out the form and I signed it. We then had a laugh about life and I told her that this should have all been sorted out on a previous visit and I guessed that the person was new and didn't know the procedure. She said: "Most likely" and I felt joy as I laughed. To argue with reality destroys my own peace of mind! I am OVER IT! I want peace more than anything else and I will watch with vigilance that part of my mind that wants to be hang on to control and be: "A POOR ME"! The interesting thing is that when one makes a resolution to let go of the ego mind stories - it ups its anti and all sorts of scenarios arise to challenge one's resolve. I am on to that! The ego has been master for a very long time and it is not going to let go that easily and succumb to servant role. I left the bank wishing the customer service officer a wonderful weekend and she wished me the same. It will be if I choose peace over misery! <3
~Eileen Dielesen (6.10.2018)

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