STEP 4 of 12 STEPS TO LOVING THE SELF:
"We took a searching & courageous inventory of all the ways we judge ourselves or others or allowed ourselves to feel like a victim, while loving & accepting ourselves."
STEP 4 STORY:
GIVING UP VICTIM/POOR ME/COMPLAINING STORIES....
I have been looking at how awful I feel when I finish whining and complaining about some perceived problem in my life. I am OVER my own stories that interpret life from this perspective! I made a decision to STOP IT! Yes - simple - STOP IT! Now that is easier said than done! I watch how the ego mind comes up with all sorts of scenarios to pull me back into misery! Yesterday I received a message on my phone to contact the bank to make an appointment to sign a form. Something I thought would be simple! The staff member gave me a number to call and asked me to make an appointment to see a consultant. I phoned the number and YESSSS.... it was one of those choose five different options, none of which suited me. I listened to them all twice and then chose one that I thought might be suitable. Then I got another five different options and finally I hear a ring and then - yes you guessed it - the message: "All of our consultants are currently busy taking other calls and we will answer your call shortly." I was a on a short work break and after a few minutes had to hang up. I was annoyed! All I had to do was sign a form that had been forwarded from another branch. Or so I thought! My mind began running stories. I decided it was easier to just go to the bank and ask to sign the form. After work I tried phoning again - just to add more misery to the already existing misery ha ha! I headed to the bank and I watched my mind saying: "I will tell them how annoyed I was by their phone system - I just wanted to be put through to a branch!". Then I caught it: "Whiney, complainer, poor me mind". I let go of that story and decided to just walk into the bank and ask to sign the form. That is exactly what I did. The customer service officer went away, printed out a form and invited me into an office to fill out a form. Then up came annoyed, complaining, whining angry mind again. I heard my voice snapping as I said: "I can't even fill this form out because I don't have all the information". Then I caught those thoughts, calmed down and began filling out the form providing all the information I could. The customer service officer became really helpful and together we filled out the form and I signed it. We then had a laugh about life and I told her that this should have all been sorted out on a previous visit and I guessed that the person was new and didn't know the procedure. She said: "Most likely" and I felt joy as I laughed. To argue with reality destroys my own peace of mind! I am OVER IT! I want peace more than anything else and I will watch with vigilance that part of my mind that wants to be hang on to control and be: "A POOR ME"! The interesting thing is that when one makes a resolution to let go of the ego mind stories - it ups its anti and all sorts of scenarios arise to challenge one's resolve. I am on to that! The ego has been master for a very long time and it is not going to let go that easily and succumb to servant role. I left the bank wishing the customer service officer a wonderful weekend and she wished me the same. It will be if I choose peace over misery! <3
~Eileen Dielesen (6.10.2018)
Eileen is always inspired by the voice of Love within her. May our hearts always be joined as ONE in Love and through the words that appear on these pages may you feel the light and Love she has for you.